I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
