He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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