unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
