there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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