I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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