I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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