you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
