We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
