i need an iv and a liver transplant
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
