Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize