i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
