benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
