I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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