my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
