I want to walk on stilts...naked
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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