The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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