I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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