Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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