He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
