I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
