If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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