I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize