hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
