i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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