C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
