I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
