pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
