i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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