I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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