so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
