You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
