adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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