Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
