dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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