I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it's like iHOP with fire
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
