so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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