i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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