I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize