if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So much rum. So many feels.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
