So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
