Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
