I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
