I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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