1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
