don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
