Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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