I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
