He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
