So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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