Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize