dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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