It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
