You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
