I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
