Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
