4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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