I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
