sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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