I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
