I want to walk on stilts...naked
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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