I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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